Reflections and projections

Well, another year is nearly gone (9 hours to go as I start this post). 2005 has certainly been interesting, full of varied emotions ranging the entire spectrum. Last year as midnight hit, I was surprized at how much I was affected, after losing Jacob. I felt that I was leaving him behind a glass wall that he could never get through and that I was forever beyond. I cried at midnight last year. I'm pretty sure that midnight this year will be better, though a part of me feels that with each new year, Jacob gets left barther and farther behind.

This year, we have a lot to be thankful for. Owen joined us in all ways this last year. He is truely a blessing. One of the best we will ever receive in our lives. He has brought so much joy to our house, and there was already a lot of joy here. I look at him in awe and amazement each day. It's amazing to think that a year ago, he was merely a prayer and now he is here - a living, breathing person. He has taught me quite a bit these last 11+ weeks. I'm so excited to see him each morning, grinning at me as I sing him awake. FOr those of you who know me, he actually gives me a great excuse to get out of bed on time in the morning. His smile is totally worth it!

We are also thankful for our friends and family, who have blessed us tremendously with their love and support. We couldn't get through life without that. I know I have needed that support as I've frequently struggled with nursing difficulties. (Now I'm drinking one beer a day to help boost my supply. What a great side effect of beer!)

2006 brings a new year, going back to work, and more learning all around within our family. Beginning Tuesday, I go back to work and Owen stays home with Daddy. It's going to be a hard day for me, but I think I'm ready. I actually started planning stuff in my head today. Mentally, I'm ready to go back. Emotionally, not so much. I'm sure I'll cry all the way to work on Tuesday. It will be nice, however, to see the kids and parents again. Figuring out my pumping schedule will be a bit of a challenge, though. I anticipate it will take a couple of weeks to really get it down, mostly since my schedule is so different each day. Two pumpings will be fairly easy to plan and keep regular, but the third of the day will be a little bit more difficult. Suggestions from anyone who has done this would be much appreciated!

Happy New Year, everyone!